I write stuff for kids...and muse on writing, children's books, and the publishing industry in general

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Never-ending Scene Blogfest (or cliffhanger---whatever) October 25-26

I'm participating in Brenda Drake's Never-ending Scene Blogfest (or cliffhanger---whatever) October 25-26. Check out the other entrants here.

The challenge in this blogfest is to write a new scene or post a scene from your current project that is no more than 500 words, which has a rocking cliffhanger (pun intended). The aim is to leave you hanging, craving more, and cursing my name for making you want to turn a page that isn't there. Easy peasy! Hmm.

Well, here it is, with a total of 455-words. A scene from the end of Chapter 1 of my current YA Horror work in progress, FROM THE OTHER SIDE. Those who participated in Elle Strauss's First Page Blog Fest may recognize the situation my main character, Verity, is currently in. Check out my first page here if you're interested. 

+++

I still couldn’t remember what had happened to me. I needed to jump to my feet and run. Run away from whatever---whoever---had caused my injuries.

I tried to command my muscles yet again, tried to force them into action. I didn’t even have the strength to move. It was all I could do just to keep sitting there, to stop myself from flopping over onto my side and...

Somebody snickered nearby. I jumped, shocked by the unexpected noise. From the silence in the cave I had thought the girl and I were alone. That they had left us lying here after doing…whatever. That I had plenty of time to force my body to move again.

I jerked around, using all my strength to do so. A boy of eighteen years or so watched the girl and me. He had a smile on his face and a look of excitement in his eyes.

I stared at him, as I struggled to accept he wasn’t going to help me. That he was one of my torturers.

The boy didn’t seem bothered that I was sitting up. He would know there was nowhere for me to go, nothing I could do. I was isolated, unable even to rely on the unconscious girl beside me for help. And the entrance to the cave was a long way away. I could see it over the boy’s shoulder now. I doubted I could even walk there, let alone run.

The boy’s eyes glittered in the candlelight. His expression---his smirk, his look of pride, his piercing gaze---reminded me of a serial killer I had seen on television. My skin crawled. A trick of the light, perhaps. I stared into his face, searching for a single shred of humanity.

“Help me,” I croaked. My mouth felt dry.

The boy didn’t respond.

“Please. Help.” Louder this time.

He was good-looking, even with the nasty-looking scratches on one cheek. I wondered who he was. I guessed the marks on his face came from the girl beside me. She had probably tried to fight him off; they looked freshly-made. I could picture that. I cheered the girl in my mind, even as I wondered whether I had fought as well. Why couldn’t I remember?

“Let us go. Please.”

It was no good. The boy turned away. Contempt and disdain were written clearly on every line of his body.

The boy looked familiar. There was something about him…

The tickle in my memory became a scratch.

Draven.

I finally remembered. The boy was called Draven.

He has another name as well. A normal, everyday name. That’s right, it was Erik. Erik Stabler.

I’d been in love with him for the last five years.

+++

Hope it's left you wanting more. I'd tell you what happens next, but where's the fun in that ;)

Although, while it's not actually part of my manuscript, I did write a little "alternate scene" for Erica and Christy's Take Your Main Character On A Date Blog Fest (check it out here if you're wanting to sneak in a peek and find out a little about what happens to Verity).

39 comments:

Quinn said...

I definitely want more. I'd write more but I'm still getting used to these nails. Great job Rach!

Rachel Morgan said...

Shocker!!! I'd definitely want to read more after that last statement. Well done :-)

Jamie said...

Great snippet...left me hanging to see what comes next, great job!

Melissa Gill said...

Great cliffhanger. It makes me want to know what's coming next, but also what happened before. Great job Rachel.

Colene Murphy said...

Oooo! Yes want more! I'm so glad you shared this much. Our first peek of this has been stuck in my head. Been so curious past week or so!

Marieke said...

Loved it! Great cliffhanger! :D

kar_took said...

Ooo, so want the next page. Fab cliffhanger.

Miles McG said...

Whoa, great job! :)

Also, I awarded you two awards on my blog! You can check them out here (totally optional):

http://milesmcg.blogspot.com/2010/09/blog-awards-and-winners.html

L'Aussie said...

Loved it Rachael. Great cliffhanger and some awesome descriptions - my fave is The boy’s eyes glittered in the candlelight. His expression---his smirk, his look of pride, his piercing gaze---reminded me of a serial killer I had seen on television. Great work..:)

J.C. Martin said...

Ooh, definitely wanting more! Loved theserial killer description! And *grr* at Google Friend Connect who won't let me become your follower! :(

Cheree said...

Great cliff hanger, it definitely grabbed my attention and made me want more.

Tina Lynn said...

That was awesome! Now I want to know why it took so long to recognize the boy and what happened to them.

Bree said...

Wow! I didn't see that coming, but I love how you stretched it out. Even paragraph to paragraph I was left wanting more.

Good luck!

Shallee said...

Great scene! Loved the twist at the end, and I'm very curious as to what's going on. Thanks for sharing!

Nikki said...

Good description and a great little twist at the end. Nice job!

Jennifer Hoffine said...

Great twist at the end! Thanks for sharing!

Jodi Henry said...

Very curious as to what's happened before and what will happen next. Great job and very chilling.

Thanks for the read.

J

Julie Hedlund said...

Definitely a great cliffhanger! Great job.

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Well written. Great cliffhanger.

JEFritz said...

Ooh, interesting. You've left a lot of little hints that make me want to read on. I wish you wrote what tortures were going on (psychological, physical, etc). I want to know what the stakes are! Great job. Love this.

Francine said...

Hi,

Yeah, that Draken has a lot to answer for. Not teribly nice in the last snippet I read, but this really does bring his evil side to life. Great descriptions here, good build up to the cliffhanger, too. Slick piece of writing! ;)

best
F

Dawn Embers said...

I am interested to read more. There are a few questions this section does raise and it makes the reader want to find out. Nice work. I was a little surprised at the jump after the character already failed at moving, but once past that I had to keep reading.

Janet B Taylor said...

Great cliffhanger. I would love to read more!

Christopher S. Ledbetter said...

Great job. I'm left wondering what happened and who the boys are?

Jennie Bailey said...

"I’d been in love with him for the last five years." - what a way to end it!!! I love this. Very intriguing!

E. Arroyo said...

I'd read more. Great job!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

The last statement was indeed a stinger. Why do the girls all love the bad boys?

Kittie Howard said...

Ooh, nice job, Rach! Definitely made me want to turn the page.

I'm a bit tardy getting back to you, sorry. A little family crisis (relative got sick, is okay now!). I really loved working those words into my story but don't think I can participate full time. Got this project editing my ms and have got to discipline myself. *groans* But, thanks, Rach, you're a sweetie.

gideon 86 said...

You have a great ease in your writing. I flew through it. Wonderful tension. More, more, more ...

Great cliffhanger.

Michael D.

Brenda Drake said...

Thanks for participating! We've judged your entry. o/\o *high five*

Theresa Milstein said...

Ugh. She knew him and loved him and he looks like a serial killer. I want to read more, but I'm scared to. Great cliffhanger.

Mary Jo said...

Wow, this certainly propels the reader forward. The dark setting, the loss of memory, the mystery of the boy with two names...

Raquel Byrnes said...

That last line really hooked me and surprised me. Definitely a great hook there. Great post.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Summer Ross said...

Very interesting. this scene kept my attention and really made me want to turn the page. She ha d a crush on him! Yipes!

Rachael Harrie said...

Hi guys, just wanted to say a HUGE thanks to you all for reading my cliffhanger entry and making such great comments. Your feedback means so much to me :)

I loved taking part in this blogfest, can't wait for the next one!

Rach

WritersBlockNZ said...

LOVE the twist! Draven sound creepy hehe. Great job :)

gideon 86 said...

Hey Rach,

Congratulations on being chosen a semi-finalist!

Good luck!

Michael

Tessa Conte said...

Congrats on being a semi-finalist!

And a very worthy piece you've let us read, there! *runs off to read first page*

Tessa.xx

gideon 86 said...

Hey Rach,

Congrats on the honorable mention! So happy for you!

Michael

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